Not Today: The Way Back from My Darkest Hour
A heart attack. A reckoning. A fire that never went out.
On June 2nd, 2024, I had a heart attack. No warning. No dramatic symptoms. Just a strange discomfort in my chest that wouldn’t go away.
I drove myself to the ER, not knowing I was walking into a defining moment of my life.
I had made life changes—weight loss, eating and training improvements. Even a calcium scoring test six weeks prior was normal. Tests showed no blockages, just inflamed arteries and sluggish blood. My cardiologist listed possibilities: a virus, a tiny clot, maybe just bad luck. No clear cause. Just uncertainty.
The unknown? That was the true mindfuck.
But the experience split my life into a before and after. In the days that followed, I carried more than weight. I carried darkness. Anxiety. Nights spent waking in fear, terrified it was happening again. The relentless what-ifs.
I carried the fear of not being here for the people I love—my wife, and especially my daughter, who sees everything.
That fear could have consumed me. But instead of breaking, I got to work.
I chose to fight. To rebuild. To rise.
Not just for me—but for her.
That choice became a mantra: Not today.
This tattoo marks that moment—a reminder of the day I chose to rise.
A soul stamp. A battle scar. A message to myself—and to anyone who sees it.
Because sometimes, survival isn’t pretty.
Sometimes it’s quiet. Heavy. Relentless.
But I carried the weight. Took the hit. And stood back up anyway.
I won’t ask for praise.
This doesn’t need applause.
It just needs to speak.
And for anyone who needs to hear it—it says: Not today.